THIRD TRIMESTER!

I can hardly believe it... I have survived 27 weeks of pregnancy - two entire trimesters - and now I'm down to the last 13 weeks... the light at the end of the tunnel may be dim, but it's finally visible!  I can't say that I remember what it was like before all this... before my stomach was the size of a basketball, before the insatiable exhaustion, before the insomnia and multiple bathroom trips during the night... my life has been completely turned upside down, and I feel like I'm finally getting used to all the craziness of pregnancy - but soon enough, this "craziness" will be replaced with an entirely new form of craziness: MOTHERHOOD.  More specifically, caring for the needs of a newborn... it's going to be quite the adventure.  But I'm excited.  Really excited, actually.  Jackson is quite active these days... I just wish that Geoff could appreciate it as much as I do.  At about 16 inches long and 2.5 lbs, Jackson's jabs and kicks are getting quite a bit stronger - but try as I might to get Jackson to cooperate and kick when Geoff's hand is actually on my belly, it's virtually impossible to time it just right!  And even when he is lucky enough to feel a few of Baby J's kicks, it doesn't quite translate... but he does get excited when he gets to share these special moments with me :)  I've finally learned what it feels like when Jackson has the hiccups - kinda tickles, and it makes me laugh.  I can picture him sitting in there wondering what this annoying reflex is while his head repeatedly bumps into the side of my stomach. hehehe.  But as much as I have enjoyed this part of pregnancy, I'm ready to share the "joys" of parenthood with Geoff once Jackson finally makes his debut appearance in a few months.  But before Jackson decides to join us, I have my work cut out for me: setting up his nursery is not going to be an easy task.  Well, Geoff is convinced that it will take "half a day" to set it all up... HA.  Okay, maybe half a day to put the crib together and move furniture in... but it's gonna take me quite a few weeks to prepare the details!  I've actually been searching for weeks for the "perfect" crib and bedding - it's not easy to sort through the options!  Especially on a budget... but I've narrowed it down to a few that I am really fond of, and in the upcoming weeks I'll be forced to make a final decision.  It's my goal to get the nursery set up before the beginning of June... mostly because I know that after that point, I'll have no desire (or energy) to move things around in that room.  And besides, after 30 weeks - anything can happen!  He was measuring ahead of schedule when we had our last ultrasound, so he could definitely come early... and I won't complain (unless of course I'm caught off-guard and unprepared)!  But until then, I'll continue to enjoy the simple "pleasures" of being pregnant... I'm sure when he's up at 3am crying for who-knows-what-reason I'll wish I could just carry him around SILENTLY in my stomach for a few more months :)  Perspective, right?  hahaha.

As for other news... Geoff and I celebrated our "One Year Anniversary" on April 13th - and what an eventful year it has been!  We both agree that it hardly seems possible we've only known each other for a year - it feels like we've been married for years (and most of the time we act like we've been married for years... haha).  Our first "date" was April 13, 2011 and Geoff asked me to join him to a Bees' game (they are the AAA minor league baseball team in Salt Lake, and Geoff has season tickets to their games)... maybe I was naieve, but I was not aware that it was actually a "date" - I thought he just wanted company since he has an extra ticket. But it didn't take long before I figured out the truth and, more importantly, before I recognized the obvious chemistry between us :) And then... well... you know the rest ;) But here's the condensed version: June 18, engaged; Sept 9, married; Nov 19, found out we would be PARENTS!  Apparently we don't waste any time... haha.  But we both still laugh about the fact that we had this predetermined "timeline" established for our dating expectations, including dating for a MINIMUM of one year before we could ever make a valid, evidence-based decision on spending the rest of our lives with someone.  Whoops...  haha.  Guess we neglected to stick to that guideline!  But as surprising as it might have been for our family and friends (and us for that matter), we cannot imagine our lives any other way or with any other person.  We truly are blessed to have each other :) Sorry if that's a bit on the cheesy side, but it's true!  And what better way to celebrate our anniversary than at the Bees' Opening Night - April 13 was the first home game of the season, and they kicked it off with fireworks (and a W).  It was a fun night, and we are looking forward to taking Baby J to a few games later this summer (if he is old enough) - Geoff even bought him a couple Bees' onesies to sport when we take our seats the the first row behind the Bees' dugout.  Did I mention that the season tickets we have are quite possibly some of the best in the stadium?  Well, THE best if you ask me ;) And it will be so much more fun when we get to see the look on Jackson's face as he experiences his first baseball game... I can't wait!  But... I have to.  haha.  Just a few more months....

...and in the meantime, I'll keep myself busy with work.  Since my last entry, I've really changed my schedule: I'm Lead Nurse on Sundays now - a promotion that I am incredibly grateful for, but with a price that I have recently realized is more costly than I ever imagined... with a set Sunday shift, I rarely have the chance to go to church.  And I miss it.  It really has thrown off my weekly "groove" - I need that weekly spiritual boost to help refocus and redirect my attention to what really matters in life, and without it I can feel a bit of a void.  I remind myself that in a few months, once Jackson is born, I'll be able to attend church again on a more regular basis (although with my profession, Sundays are not "off-limits" for scheduling... I think of it as providing service for these patients and their families during certain times of need).  But until then, I'm grateful that Geoff and I have regular Temple Prep classes, meetings with our Bishop, and that we take time each night to read from one of our many church books that we've been asked to read as we prepare for the temple this fall.  And now with Baby J on the way, nothing is more important than going to the LA Temple in September so that we can be sealed together as a family :)  Only 4 more months....!  But back to my update on my work schedule... we've had quite a few changes in staffing in our office, and now I'm working 7a-12p on Mon, Wed, Thurs, and Fri, freeing up my afternoons and Saturdays to spend at home with Geoff!  Well, in reality it's spent running errands and cleaning the house and then crashing on the couch after it all... haha.  But I will say, getting up early in the morning was torturous at first... but now I've realized that I'm able to get so much more done during the day with that early start - and I sleep so much better at night (even if I do pass out between 830-9).  So there's my new schedule, and I'm liking the new role I have at work - much more on the administrative side, but I appreciate the relationship I have with my managers and know that the hard work and sacrifice I have made will pay off in the long run.  But for now, I do enjoy the work I do and appreciate all that I have learned since I started working here 5 months ago :)

Well, seeing as I am at work right now... I should probably get back to taking care of things here.  Granted, it has been quite a slow day (hence why I had time to write this entry) but I am busiest from 7-9 pm verifying and sending reports, so I should probably get ready for the rush!  And for those who care... Geoff and I are making a special appearance in Southern California in a couple weeks for one last visit/vacation before Jackson arrives - and to celebrate my first Mother's Day with the soon-to-be Grandma Yvonne :D  I'm really looking forward to seeing family and friends (and the Pacific Ocean) for a much-needed break from reality up here!  Has it really been 5 months since my last visit to the LA-area?  Whoa.  Life really has just flown right past me... and I know that it won't be slowing down any time soon :)  And on that note, Jackson just kicked me to let me know he's awake - and that he's flipped upside-down (or right-side up, if you want to think of it that way) as he just kicked my stomach.  But he's quite the acrobat, so I'm hoping that he'll figure out that he needs to be upside down in the coming weeks and that he'll stay that way for the rest of the pregnancy... keeping fingers crossed! 

Spring has sprung!

 Has it been another month already? I swear time isn't passing as quickly as it seems to be on my blog... although there are some days that I definitely wish it were! Here we are, beginning of April... Spring is in full bloom here in Utah, and I couldn't be happier. I wish I could say the same for my husband... :) Poor guy has had a rough winter - following record snowfall last year (and a snowmobiling season that lasted into July), he has had virtually no snow to ride here in the land of the "Best Snow on Earth." I think our last mini-snowstorm a few weeks ago finally brought our snow totals to 300 inches, where last year we had 800+. Quite the difference, that's for sure. As much as I love seasons and snow (and as much as I love Geoff) I can't say that I'm sad to see Ol' Man Winter go back into hibernation. Last year was nearly torture for me! I remember how cold it got (mornings below zero) and keeping my winter coats in my closet until May... it was a LONG winter. Followed by virtually no spring, and then an incredibly brief summer - I was in desperate need of some sun. And let's just say I'm getting my fair share thie year :) I wish I had somewhere I could just LAY OUT and bask in the glorious sunshine... that will be on my little list of things to do. Well.. more like my never-ending list of things to do. Life has definitely picked up speed as of late... with no real sign of slowing down anytime soon! But I would much rather have that then the opposite, that's for sure :)

SO. First things first: Baby J. He's growing quite rapidly - at 24 weeks, he's about 1.5 pounds and 12 inches long (approximately). He's definitely still in there... I have the great pleasure of feeling him kick me every so often throughout the day (including right now, actually) which was definitely something I had to get used to! I had my 24-week appointment this week, and our midwife confirmed what I had suspected: he's head up, feet down right now... which explains why my bladder has felt more or less like a punching bag. But as annoying as it may be to frequent the bathroom a little more often these days, I'm grateful for his constant little reminder that he's doing okay :) Geoff and I have received a few little gifts from family and friends over the past few weeks (for which we are truly appreciative) and I've really started to buckle down on planning the nursery. My goal is to get furniture moved in next month, and have everything ready to go by the beginning of June. Come 30 weeks, you never know when he'll decide to make his grand entrance... Geoff talked with a friend of his yesterday who had just gone in for her 32 week appointment only to be admitted to the hospital because she was in labor! With that piece of news, Geoff is a little more understanding of my "crazy" planning and need to get this nursery done in the next couple months. Wow. A couple months?! I know I've been feeling as though this pregnancy has been dragging on... but seriously, little Jackson is going to be here before I know it. And then all the random frustrations and annoyances with being pregnant will soon be a distant memory... not gonna lie, I'm looking forward to leaving those behind! haha. But until then, I need to take full advantage of my ever-growing belly and appreciate the blessing that I have to actually have a child of my own.  I've definitely had moments when I've sat back to really think about how incredible this "ability" is that I have... and not to take it for granted.  I mean.. really.  Medical knowledge and understanding aside, I have a little human growing inside my stomach - I don't even have to do anything (other than eat and sleep) to help this process along!  Medical technology cannot compare to the innate system that is working 24/7 inside me to help bring our son into this world.  At 24 weeks, he has a great chance of surviving if I were to go into pre-term labor - but not without high risk of complications.  In other words... as excited as I am to meet our little guy, I'm completely content to patiently wait for his grand arrival in July.  :)

And for other news... because I haven't really brought up the topic of work in recent posts, I figure I might as well update you all - I've been working as a triage nurse for hospice patients for almost 5 months now, and I just recently was "promoted" to Lead Nurse on Sundays!  Yes, I do have to work on Sundays (not ideal... but I think of it as a service that I can provide for these people and their families - healthcare and especially those patients who are dying don't exactly have weekends off) but I am grateful for this opportunity to grow in my position with this company.  Only a few more months and then I'll be on Maternity Leave... most likely coming back to work part time for a bit until we get our little guy's schedule figured out :)  It's definitely a busy time here in Bountiful, but I can't complain - the little Dyer family is happy & healthy and hoping that you all have an enjoyable Easter Holiday with your families, wherever you may be!!

our little troublemaker....

Guess I should just shoot down the thought of ever having somewhat of a predictable life... remember my last post just a few short weeks ago?  that one about us having a girl?  Well - scratch that. hahaha. Baby Dyer finally decided to show the world what he's really made of.... YES, you read that right: this little peanut is a BOY!!  Unmistakable this time... he was quite happy to give us the perfect visual, and it left us in a slight state of shock (to say the least).  In the world of ultrasounds, they tell you that nothing is certain until the baby is 20 weeks along - when the development is certain to be complete - so any readings before that are not necessarily given with 100% confidence.  So at our 16- and 17-week visits, the ultrasounds were more-or-less inconclusive... our midwife was just trying to give us her best prediction, especially as he wouldn't open his legs or move around for us to get a better view.  So I won't hold it against her :)  It was humorous though - our ultrasound tech picked up on Geoff and I calling the baby "she" and then took the opportunity to ask us if we wanted to know the gender... of course we said yes, and as she moved the ultrasound head around a bit more, she showed us proof: we are most definitely having a SON.  All Geoff and I could do was start laughing.  I mean... REALLY?!  First it was a boy... then a girl... and finally a boy.  Let's just hope there aren't two in there!  hahaha.  (Don't worry - we confirmed that there is only ONE baby to prepare for...)  SO. a little boy.  That definitely changes things!  Thankfully we hadn't done much shopping - just browsing on the internet for nursery ideas... which, of course, I have to start all over on.  But it's okay, that's the fun part :)  And I'm sure the next question on many minds is: "Do you have a name picked out?"  And as a matter of fact, we do!  Now introducing....

JACKSON JAMES DYER

 I had a few boy names picked out, and Geoff seemed to like Jackson (we had been calling him that for weeks before our first ultrasound, as I had a sneaking suspicion that it was a boy...) and he added James - his grandpa's name - that will inevitably lead to a nickname of JJ.  But nevertheless, that's what we've settled on.  And I like it :)  Geoff, turns out, was a little disappointed when he found out that he wasn't going to be having a little girl this summer... but I'm hoping he'll get his chance somewhere down the road!  We were joking that sibling rivalries start in heaven - little Jackson and Avery were both so anxious to come down here, but it looks as though Avery is going to have to wait her turn... and our little rebel-rouser Jackson has taken shotgun :)  And apparently he isn't wasting any time goofing off in there either!  Our midwife told us that he is a week ahead of schedule... apparently his legs are quite long, and his head measurement at the ultrasound puts him a little on the larger side - it isn't too much of a surprise considering that his dad is 6'4"... but then again, Geoff was only 7.5 lbs when he was born (haha I was over 8 lbs, go figure) so who knows if he keeps this up or takes a break from growing somewhere in the next couple months.  But I really wouldn't mind having a baby early - as long as he's healthy!  Which he looks to be, as our midwife has repeatedly reassured us :)  Geoff thinks that this little guy is going to be a troublemaker - only because he was one growing up, and karma has a funny way of coming back around... hahahaha.  But he is excited to have a little guy to take sledding... and biking... and camping... basically show his son what he is passionate about, and hopefully have a little partner in crime ;)  I'm just happy to see Geoff excited and looking forward to this major change that will be affecting our lives come July!  It's already March... I'm past the halfway point of my pregnancy, and while I should focus on that bit of optimism I find myself wishing it were May... or June even.  It seems like this pregnancy is lasting forever - and I just can't wait to meet our son (aka Baby Phat, as some have nicknamed him).  But until then, I will treasure this special time I have to be pregnant... and know that once he's here, our lives will never be the same :) Basically, I need to get as much sleep as possible while I still can!!  hahaha.  And of course, I have a few photos to share with everyone from our last ultrasound:

Baby Jackson!

YES - it's a BOY!

His little arm/hand

He's looking right at us (you can see the white ring of his pupil)

Hard to see... but that's his tiny footprint :)

one more profile shot of our little peanut! <3

And here are a few short clips from the ultrasound too....

 

 If you look at his head, you can see his mouth moving...

 

More visual proof that we are having a little BOY... haha

 

And one more clip for good measure :)

And I think that's enough parental bragging for now....  :) Time for me to get going - have laundry and house chores to finish before I need to get to work!  Oh the life of a housewife/working mother-to-be.... love you all!

The verdict is in...

Baby Dyer is a GIRL!!

Surprise!  haha.  Just when I thought I needed to decide which hue of blue to choose for the nursery color scheme, our midwife broke the news: our little peanut will be our precious DAUGHTER!  It was quite the shock for me... I'm not going to lie, I actually had a mini-breakdown.  Not that I wasn't excited about the idea of having a little girl, but rather I was so convinced it was a boy - and so excited to give Geoff a son - that it took me a day to digest the news and finally accept that we are going to have a daughter instead.  We had our name picked out and everything!  But we still have plenty of time to try for a son down the road... so that's something to look forward to :)  SO. A little girl.  What comes to mind when you think of a baby girl? PRETTY. PINK. PRINCESS. gag me. I know I'll probably feel a little differently when I finally see her, but I was raised a tomboy... blue is my favorite color... I didn't start wearing makeup until I was in college... so the idea of dealing with a little girl is somewhat frightening.  Granted, I don't want to discourage her from being a "girl," but it's just so not me!  And I knew way too many girls in high school that were completely spoiled... "daddy's princess"... and that just does not sit well with me.  Yes, of course I'll spoil her.... but within reason.  And I've already indicated to those close to me that "princess" will not be one of her nicknames :)  I am not about to start her off thinking that she deserves special treatment!  Of course I'll dress her up all cute and have fun with my own mini-me Barbie doll, but I've already told her dad that she is going to be "daddy's girl" -- so he'd better be prepared to take her out fishing, hiking, and even snowmobiling!  Thankfully, he's completely down for all that.  He's actually quite excited - this was his status update on Facebook the day we found out:

The female population in my house officially doubled... as will my shotgun collection. Super excited! Now i just have to wait 5 short months to see her! Lets hope she looks like her momma!

And as much as he wanted a little boy, Geoff was the first to jump on the bandwagon and remind me that "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON."  Maybe she will be a good example to her younger siblings... maybe she will be "mommy's little helper" with the next baby down the road... and on top of it, something I was told when I first found out about the pregnancy, maybe there is a reason why she will be born at this time into the world -- whether for spiritual or mere practical reasons, her being born into our little family at this time in our world is important.  The age she will be... the friends she will make... the opportunities she will have... the people she will influence... the possibilities really are endless.  So rather than sit and wonder "What if?" I've come to the conclusion that the best thing for me to do is to just MOVE FORWARD.  And guess what? I'm pretty excited to be a mom :)  Let the shopping begin!  hahaha.  And I'm just gonna throw it out there... shopping for a little girl will be SO much more fun than shopping for a little boy... so many more options!  Which, of course, can be dangerous.... so for now, I'm focusing on nursery ideas and plans.  And that is keeping me quite occupied :)  And what fun would planning be without sharing my ideas with all of you?  haha.  Thanks to Pinterest (my new obsession during pregnancy) I have come up with quite the collection of photo inspirations, so here are a couple for now....

[potential color scheme]

[dark brown wood furniture]

And I'll share more with you in the coming weeks :)  But before I leave you for today (I am at work after all) I want to share with you the name we picked out for our little girl:

I should probably mention that I did have this name picked out long before I met Geoff... one of those things that I actually thought about while I was single :)  And thankfully he approved!  I wasn't planning to share it publicly until closer to her birthday, but what the heck - It won't hurt!  And besides, only family and close friends read my blog and I would be telling you all anyways... so what's the difference?  And now the real waiting period begins... and I will say, now that I'm into my second trimester, my new pregnancy annoyances are quite simple: weight gain, insomnia, and a constant STUFFY NOSE.  Really?! Nobody told me about that... oh the joys of being pregnant!  But it will all be worth it, I'm sure :) 17 weeks down, 23 to go.....!

Oh, baby!

For those who haven't yet seen our little video, here is the most current version...

And for those who have not yet heard our recent update, we had our appointment yesterday to learn whether or not this "it" should be referred to as a "he" or a "she", and unfortunately IT was uncooperative...!!  Our midwife (also named Laura) is awesome, and she was incredibly persistent as she knew how anxious I was and how much I wanted to know this minor detail... but at the end of the ultrasound, her verdict was the following: "I am so close to saying that it is a boy, but this one view has me second-guessing myself... I don't want to tell you one way or another just yet!  But I would be happy to see you next week to double-check!"  And so we have our next appointment scheduled for Wednesday to clarify whether we should be decorating with blue or pink... and hopefully we will get a clear answer then!  I'd say the most frustrating thing about the appointment was that she kept moving the ultrasound head around on my stomach to get every possible view, and 9 out of 10 views she said "I do believe you have a boy in there" (or something to that effect) and then ONE image makes her question every other!  gahhhhhh  SERIOUSLY?!  Seriously...  For the person that plans, this is driving me slightly crazy (if you can't tell) and I just need to know already!  It's been 16 weeks.... 4 months... I'm almost half-way through this and it would be nice to know if I'm going to have a daughter or a son! :)  But thankfully I don't have to wait until my 20-week appointment to find out for sure... I can last a few more days (I think) haha.  I will say, though, that while she was moving around trying to get our little peanut into a better viewing position she was happy to point out all the other little features... arms, legs, hands, feet... and we could watch him/her squirm around while she was probing with the ultrasound head.  It was slightly humorous actually -- we could tell he/she was getting a little bothered that we were invading his/her space... ahem, that's my space too thank you very much!  I almost want to set a few ground rules while he/she is residing comfortably in his/her little cocoon... but ultimately, as "uncomfortable" as the occasional poke may be, he/she really has no idea what is really in store... the final journey is not going to be pleasant - for either of us! haha.  So just wait, little one, just you wait....  ;)  And I will point out that while we were watching the video on the screen, Laura did confirm that all looks healthy and normal -- so I should be concentrating on that detail (as I am truly grateful to know that our baby is growing as it should), and that is why I am so appreciative of Geoff and his willingness to reassure me, repeatedly, and remind me that no matter what (boy or girl), a healthy child is more than we could ever ask or hope for.  And I agree :)

So, that is my brief news for today -- I'll be sure to write more this week, praying that we actually have an answer with 100% confidence!  Love you all!!

2 + 1 = ?

It's a new year, and I definitely have some big news...

WE'RE EXPECTING!

While this isn't "news" to most who read this blog, I thought it was time to make it officially "public" by posting it on the internet  :)  Geoff and I couldn't be more excited to welcome a child into our little family and start our new jobs as PARENTS... but it's definitely taken some time for us to adjust to this reality.  I am officially 14 weeks pregnant, so I am into my second trimester -- hard to believe I'm already 1/3 of the way through this crazy process!  But I still have 26 long weeks to go... with lots of milestone moments to pass along the way.  So needless to say, my blog is going to be full of pregnancy/baby updates over the next 6 months -- up until the big day:

JULY 28, 2012! 

But let me start back at the beginning... I have a bit to catch you all up on :)

November 19, 2011:  It was a stormy Friday night, and Geoff had left me earlier that morning for a snow show in Boise... I was at home alone - bored - and I decided to double check and make sure I was NOT pregnant (I had taken a pregnancy test a few days earlier, and it showed up negative, but I knew I took it too soon).  Well... to my surprise, I soon had 3 pregnancy tests sitting on the counter staring at me with the most unexpected result: PREGNANT. (+). POSITIVE.  And as I stood there, hovering over the proof that my life had just taken a significant turn in a different direction, my mind started racing - motherhood? a baby? PREGNANCY?! What had we gotten ourselves into?? I sent Geoff a few text messages urging him to call me, but he was busy working... so I called him about 5 times until he finally answered.  And the conversation went something like this:

Geoff: "Babe, I'm working... what do you need?"
Me: "Did you get any of my text messages?"
Geoff: "No... what is it about?"
Me: "Look at your texts.  I sent you a picture."
Geoff: "Nope, still haven't gotten it. Are you okay? What's going on?"
Me: "Umm... are you by yourself right now?"
Geoff: "Yeah..."
Me: "I sent you a picture of a pregnancy test that I just took."
Geoff: "Don't tell me you're pregnant..."
Me: "Uh, well, the tests say I am - I took a few..."
Geoff: "Why did you take it while I was out of town?!  Are you okay?"
Me: "Well, I'm in a bit of shock... can't believe this is actually happening..."
Geoff: "Well I'm excited. We're starting our family! A bit earlier than we had planned, but there's nothing we can do about that now...."
Me: "HA.ha.ha.  True.  I'll see you when you get home, Daddy D...."

And with that, the truth in front of me became my new reality.  I'm not going to lie, at first it was really difficult for me to accept - I would say I went through the 5 stages of grief during those first few weeks; 1) Denial, 2) Anger, 3) Bargaining, 4) Depression, and finally 5) Acceptance.  I took a few more pregnancy tests that weekend, just to make sure, and still wouldn't completely believe the news until my first prenatal appointment in December...

Baby D!

And that was all the proof I really needed.  But while many couples would be celebrating this news, I still felt frustrated... cheated, almost.  We had only been married a few months!  We still had so many plans for our time together - just the two of us - and just like that, all those plans changed.  We wanted just a year (or two), to enjoy being newlyweds... to learn more about each other... to figure out our marriage... but alas, we would not be afforded this "luxury."  So, I started to think about this news from a different perspective: Everything happens for a reason.  That's all I could cling to... I knew that I wanted to be a mother, I knew that Geoff would be the best father I could ever ask for, so why complain?  We are both in positions that would allow us to provide for a child... we have resources available to raise a child... and we knew we would have the love and support from family and friends to help us through the process.  So that's all we needed, right?  I'd like to think so.  But then I really started to think about getting to that point - I still had another 8 months in front of me to get through. PREGNANCY.  Morning sickness? Weight gain? Insomnia? What would I have to endure?  What sacrifices would I have to make?  So many questions... and no way to really answer them, without pressing forward and experiencing it for myself.  And with that, I realized I would have to accept the fact that MY wants, MY needs, MY plans, MY life had just taken a backseat to the wants and needs of this small peanut/"alien parasite" growing inside of me.  And that was hard to swallow.  Not that I've been selfish during my adult years, but worrying about "me, myself and I" is a lot less complicated than focusing on the wants and needs of a child.  MY child.  It's surreal to type that... to read it... and to know that it's not just some idea far off in my future plans.  But you know what?  I'm ready.  I know I am.  I've lived such a full life up until this point - education, travel, and so many crucial independent adult life experiences that have contributed to make me the person I am today, and the MOTHER I will be :)  So despite the initial discouragement I may have felt, I have had a lot of time to gain a true testimony of faith...

"Faith in the Lord includes Faith in His timing."

- Neal A. Maxwell

Can't argue with that, right? So even though this may have caught me completely off-guard, I know (through many past experiences) that the Lord would not put this "trial"/opportunity in front of me if He was not confident that I would be able to handle the responsibility. So with that in mind... if the Lord knows I can do this, I have a pretty good feeling that I'll be okay :)  And as I said earlier, I couldn't have asked for a better husband/FATHER for my children, and with his love and support I know we will be able to figure out how to raise this precious little spirit. He's made such an incredible effort to adjust from bachelorhood to marriage, and I know this next adventure they call "parenthood" will require so much sacrifice on both of our parts -- but I have full confidence that he will be there every step of the way to help with this huge responsibility we both signed up for.  He's just as excited as I am (if not more so) for our little Baby D to grace us with his/her presence this Summer.  Speaking of.... girl? boy? I'm sure that's the question on so many minds... I know I can't stop thinking about it!  I don't want to jinx anything, but I have a gut feeling about this one.... I'll just keep that little detail to myself for now :)  But just for your reading pleasure, we will find out on February 10 if our little nugget is a boy or a girl and I will gladly share the great news with you all shortly thereafter!  So until then, the plot thickens and the suspense will hang over us all...

 Love you all!  Thank you thank you THANK YOU for all the continued love and support, it means everything to us (especially me, the one starting to feel like a stuffed turkey....) hahaha.  I hope you're prepared for the pregnancy quips that will be sure to follow over the next few months! And maybe, just maybe, I'll share a few photos to chronicle this epic journey.... stay tuned :)

2011...

How is it that another year has come and gone? The holidays, especially, just seem to melt time away.... but I think back to the beginning of 2011 and it's amazing to realize how much my life has changed in just one year.  At the beginning of 2011... I was dating another guy and working for another job, with no real anticipation of any major life changes in the coming 12 months.  But isn't that how my life normally plays out?  Just when I think I have it all figured out... the Lord throws a wrench into my plans - and in the end, His plans will always work out better for me.  I broke up with my boyfriend in February - and met my future husband that same month.  I left my job in June - allowing me to plan a wedding in less than 3 months.  I was unemployed for the last few months - and now I have a job that is actually giving me an opportunity to use my nursing education and personal talents, and paying me well for it!  I've learned to trust the spirit, and that simple phrase: "Everything happens for a reason."  In those moments of despair and frustration, the most important thing to remember is that we are not able to choose the bad things that happen to us - we can only choose how we react and respond.  I have learned (many times over) that there is no point to whining and complaining over things that happen in our lives - you can't change the past, so use your experiences to your advantage.  Learn from your mistakes, or those obstacles that you face, and grow stronger from them.  The Lord will only give us trials that He knows we can overcome - so trust in that (and Him) and keep moving forward.  A simple quote from a great book by Sheri Dew encapsulates this: "If life were easy, then it wouldn't be hard." As the American people are struggling to figure out why life isn't as EASY as they think it should be, I wish I could share that thought with them.  Our founding fathers created a country that enabled us OPPORTUNITIES to learn, work, and prosper according to our sacrifices.  They didn't give us rights of entitlement... just FREEDOM.  And that freedom was never meant to be FREE.  I get so frustrated with people who refuse to make sacrifices and WORK for what they want - I want to be proud of my accomplishments!  And I'll step off my soap box now.... :)

On a happier note, Geoff and I enjoyed our first Christmas together as husband and wife this past Sunday, and we couldn't have asked for anything more -- time spent with those we love.  My parents were in town, and we were able to Skype with Elder Newman (aka Greg) and it was great to see him and hear his voice!  We are so proud of him and his accomplishments, and as much as we miss him we know he is doing great work out in Florida -- and he is LOVING his time out there!  :)  We spent time opening our gifts, and I must admit - we are truly blessed.  But amidst the clothes, tools, electronics, and other needed odds and ends... my favorite gift by FAR was the gift Geoff gave me:

"For All Mankind" by Liz Lemon Swindle

And for those who don't know the background story: my second trip to Zambia, Africa with Mothers Without Borders in 2007 was an incredible experience, to say the least... (I can hardly believe it's been 4 years!)  We were accompanied by Liz Lemon Swindle (a renowned artist who does many pieces for the Church) and her small team, including her "Jesus model" Phillip Miner.  We were told that Liz had been asked to do a piece by MWB founder, Kathy Headlee, and that while we were down there she would be planning a photo shoot to provide inspiration for her painting.  Our trip was spent doing what most MWB teams do: working on the "farm", spending time with village children, and preparing the "new land" for the developing Children's Village.  But one day was set aside for the photo shoot... and it was a day we would never forget.  Here is a little snippet of my journal entry from that day:

"We were all watching from a distance, and the  moments that followed left me with tears streaming down my cheeks: At first, the children, and adults, were hesitant to move forward and approach him, but Kathy motioned them forward. Seeing "Jesus"/Phillip interact with the kids was so touching.  I couldn't control my emotions - I felt so full of love for those kids and just wanted so bad for them to know that Jesus knows and loves them.  We couldn't hear what was being said, but soon we heard sweet Carol Zulu singing - so real and so pure and so full of love.  In her tumultuous life, she has been through more things than any 13-year-old should have to endure.  Yet she has the ability to open her heart to love and express her emotions - it was beautiful ... Not soon after, the whole group of kids started singing "Mwamba, Mwamba" - and that's when I lost it.  Knowing what that song means and knowing ho much those children love their Heavenly Father and Jesus, and then hearing them sing that song of praise to Jesus - I've never felt the spirit so strong.  They were singing praises TO the Man they had been praying to for so many years.  It touched the very core of my spirit.  Eventually the children walked back with him, and we went to the back of the house to set up for the kids' presentation. Phillip joined us, so the kids were very excited.  At the end, the kids started singing "I Know Jesus is Coming Again" and Edah got up and started dancing with Phillip!  What a sight.  Then, we all got up and sang and danced with the kids.  For those precious moments, I forgot about everything else in the world and just lived for all that I was surrounded with.  I felt so free from worry and stress and the distractions that plague me back home.  All that mattered was being with those kids and opening my heart to them and sharing my love with them ... Later that night at our team meeting, Kathy was reviewing the events of that day, and she talked about why the kids reacted how they did - and how I feel everyone in this world would react initially - with hesitation and fear.  In those moments after seeing Him, the kids reflected on their lives and thought that they weren't ready to see Him.  Many of the young girls were so scared that He wouldn't love them because they weren't "clean."  Some of the kids also thought that seeing Him meant that they were going to die, and they weren't ready to die yet.  And it really caused me to stop and think - am I ready?  You don't know when it could be your last day.  We must prepare ourselves and live our lives according to how we would want to end our lives, if this were to be THAT day.  Would I feel fear and hesitation if I saw Jesus walking towards me?  or would I run to him with arms outstretched?  While I'd like to hope it would be the latter, I can only imagine having every bad decision - big or small - race through my mind and the emotions that would follow ... "

I'm not one to share my personal thoughts from my journal often (or ever, for that matter) so I hope you appreciate how special that experience was for me.  And here are a few pictures from that day:  (we weren't allowed to take many, as not to infringe on any potential copyright issues with the future paintings)

The kids' performance

Guest of Honor

Another skit by the kids

Edah dancing with "Jesus"

Kennedy

"Worth of a Soul" by Liz Lemon Swindle

I dream of the day I can return to my "family" in Africa -- some day I will go back, and I plan to bring my husband along with me :)  At least I've given him fair warning, and prepared him for what he has gotten himself into by marrying me!  hahaha.  But until then, I'll keep these photos to remind me of the piece of my heart I left behind......

Carol Zulu and Raymond