2 + 1 = ?

It's a new year, and I definitely have some big news...

WE'RE EXPECTING!

While this isn't "news" to most who read this blog, I thought it was time to make it officially "public" by posting it on the internet  :)  Geoff and I couldn't be more excited to welcome a child into our little family and start our new jobs as PARENTS... but it's definitely taken some time for us to adjust to this reality.  I am officially 14 weeks pregnant, so I am into my second trimester -- hard to believe I'm already 1/3 of the way through this crazy process!  But I still have 26 long weeks to go... with lots of milestone moments to pass along the way.  So needless to say, my blog is going to be full of pregnancy/baby updates over the next 6 months -- up until the big day:

JULY 28, 2012! 

But let me start back at the beginning... I have a bit to catch you all up on :)

November 19, 2011:  It was a stormy Friday night, and Geoff had left me earlier that morning for a snow show in Boise... I was at home alone - bored - and I decided to double check and make sure I was NOT pregnant (I had taken a pregnancy test a few days earlier, and it showed up negative, but I knew I took it too soon).  Well... to my surprise, I soon had 3 pregnancy tests sitting on the counter staring at me with the most unexpected result: PREGNANT. (+). POSITIVE.  And as I stood there, hovering over the proof that my life had just taken a significant turn in a different direction, my mind started racing - motherhood? a baby? PREGNANCY?! What had we gotten ourselves into?? I sent Geoff a few text messages urging him to call me, but he was busy working... so I called him about 5 times until he finally answered.  And the conversation went something like this:

Geoff: "Babe, I'm working... what do you need?"
Me: "Did you get any of my text messages?"
Geoff: "No... what is it about?"
Me: "Look at your texts.  I sent you a picture."
Geoff: "Nope, still haven't gotten it. Are you okay? What's going on?"
Me: "Umm... are you by yourself right now?"
Geoff: "Yeah..."
Me: "I sent you a picture of a pregnancy test that I just took."
Geoff: "Don't tell me you're pregnant..."
Me: "Uh, well, the tests say I am - I took a few..."
Geoff: "Why did you take it while I was out of town?!  Are you okay?"
Me: "Well, I'm in a bit of shock... can't believe this is actually happening..."
Geoff: "Well I'm excited. We're starting our family! A bit earlier than we had planned, but there's nothing we can do about that now...."
Me: "HA.ha.ha.  True.  I'll see you when you get home, Daddy D...."

And with that, the truth in front of me became my new reality.  I'm not going to lie, at first it was really difficult for me to accept - I would say I went through the 5 stages of grief during those first few weeks; 1) Denial, 2) Anger, 3) Bargaining, 4) Depression, and finally 5) Acceptance.  I took a few more pregnancy tests that weekend, just to make sure, and still wouldn't completely believe the news until my first prenatal appointment in December...

Baby D!

And that was all the proof I really needed.  But while many couples would be celebrating this news, I still felt frustrated... cheated, almost.  We had only been married a few months!  We still had so many plans for our time together - just the two of us - and just like that, all those plans changed.  We wanted just a year (or two), to enjoy being newlyweds... to learn more about each other... to figure out our marriage... but alas, we would not be afforded this "luxury."  So, I started to think about this news from a different perspective: Everything happens for a reason.  That's all I could cling to... I knew that I wanted to be a mother, I knew that Geoff would be the best father I could ever ask for, so why complain?  We are both in positions that would allow us to provide for a child... we have resources available to raise a child... and we knew we would have the love and support from family and friends to help us through the process.  So that's all we needed, right?  I'd like to think so.  But then I really started to think about getting to that point - I still had another 8 months in front of me to get through. PREGNANCY.  Morning sickness? Weight gain? Insomnia? What would I have to endure?  What sacrifices would I have to make?  So many questions... and no way to really answer them, without pressing forward and experiencing it for myself.  And with that, I realized I would have to accept the fact that MY wants, MY needs, MY plans, MY life had just taken a backseat to the wants and needs of this small peanut/"alien parasite" growing inside of me.  And that was hard to swallow.  Not that I've been selfish during my adult years, but worrying about "me, myself and I" is a lot less complicated than focusing on the wants and needs of a child.  MY child.  It's surreal to type that... to read it... and to know that it's not just some idea far off in my future plans.  But you know what?  I'm ready.  I know I am.  I've lived such a full life up until this point - education, travel, and so many crucial independent adult life experiences that have contributed to make me the person I am today, and the MOTHER I will be :)  So despite the initial discouragement I may have felt, I have had a lot of time to gain a true testimony of faith...

"Faith in the Lord includes Faith in His timing."

- Neal A. Maxwell

Can't argue with that, right? So even though this may have caught me completely off-guard, I know (through many past experiences) that the Lord would not put this "trial"/opportunity in front of me if He was not confident that I would be able to handle the responsibility. So with that in mind... if the Lord knows I can do this, I have a pretty good feeling that I'll be okay :)  And as I said earlier, I couldn't have asked for a better husband/FATHER for my children, and with his love and support I know we will be able to figure out how to raise this precious little spirit. He's made such an incredible effort to adjust from bachelorhood to marriage, and I know this next adventure they call "parenthood" will require so much sacrifice on both of our parts -- but I have full confidence that he will be there every step of the way to help with this huge responsibility we both signed up for.  He's just as excited as I am (if not more so) for our little Baby D to grace us with his/her presence this Summer.  Speaking of.... girl? boy? I'm sure that's the question on so many minds... I know I can't stop thinking about it!  I don't want to jinx anything, but I have a gut feeling about this one.... I'll just keep that little detail to myself for now :)  But just for your reading pleasure, we will find out on February 10 if our little nugget is a boy or a girl and I will gladly share the great news with you all shortly thereafter!  So until then, the plot thickens and the suspense will hang over us all...

 Love you all!  Thank you thank you THANK YOU for all the continued love and support, it means everything to us (especially me, the one starting to feel like a stuffed turkey....) hahaha.  I hope you're prepared for the pregnancy quips that will be sure to follow over the next few months! And maybe, just maybe, I'll share a few photos to chronicle this epic journey.... stay tuned :)