2011...

How is it that another year has come and gone? The holidays, especially, just seem to melt time away.... but I think back to the beginning of 2011 and it's amazing to realize how much my life has changed in just one year.  At the beginning of 2011... I was dating another guy and working for another job, with no real anticipation of any major life changes in the coming 12 months.  But isn't that how my life normally plays out?  Just when I think I have it all figured out... the Lord throws a wrench into my plans - and in the end, His plans will always work out better for me.  I broke up with my boyfriend in February - and met my future husband that same month.  I left my job in June - allowing me to plan a wedding in less than 3 months.  I was unemployed for the last few months - and now I have a job that is actually giving me an opportunity to use my nursing education and personal talents, and paying me well for it!  I've learned to trust the spirit, and that simple phrase: "Everything happens for a reason."  In those moments of despair and frustration, the most important thing to remember is that we are not able to choose the bad things that happen to us - we can only choose how we react and respond.  I have learned (many times over) that there is no point to whining and complaining over things that happen in our lives - you can't change the past, so use your experiences to your advantage.  Learn from your mistakes, or those obstacles that you face, and grow stronger from them.  The Lord will only give us trials that He knows we can overcome - so trust in that (and Him) and keep moving forward.  A simple quote from a great book by Sheri Dew encapsulates this: "If life were easy, then it wouldn't be hard." As the American people are struggling to figure out why life isn't as EASY as they think it should be, I wish I could share that thought with them.  Our founding fathers created a country that enabled us OPPORTUNITIES to learn, work, and prosper according to our sacrifices.  They didn't give us rights of entitlement... just FREEDOM.  And that freedom was never meant to be FREE.  I get so frustrated with people who refuse to make sacrifices and WORK for what they want - I want to be proud of my accomplishments!  And I'll step off my soap box now.... :)

On a happier note, Geoff and I enjoyed our first Christmas together as husband and wife this past Sunday, and we couldn't have asked for anything more -- time spent with those we love.  My parents were in town, and we were able to Skype with Elder Newman (aka Greg) and it was great to see him and hear his voice!  We are so proud of him and his accomplishments, and as much as we miss him we know he is doing great work out in Florida -- and he is LOVING his time out there!  :)  We spent time opening our gifts, and I must admit - we are truly blessed.  But amidst the clothes, tools, electronics, and other needed odds and ends... my favorite gift by FAR was the gift Geoff gave me:

"For All Mankind" by Liz Lemon Swindle

And for those who don't know the background story: my second trip to Zambia, Africa with Mothers Without Borders in 2007 was an incredible experience, to say the least... (I can hardly believe it's been 4 years!)  We were accompanied by Liz Lemon Swindle (a renowned artist who does many pieces for the Church) and her small team, including her "Jesus model" Phillip Miner.  We were told that Liz had been asked to do a piece by MWB founder, Kathy Headlee, and that while we were down there she would be planning a photo shoot to provide inspiration for her painting.  Our trip was spent doing what most MWB teams do: working on the "farm", spending time with village children, and preparing the "new land" for the developing Children's Village.  But one day was set aside for the photo shoot... and it was a day we would never forget.  Here is a little snippet of my journal entry from that day:

"We were all watching from a distance, and the  moments that followed left me with tears streaming down my cheeks: At first, the children, and adults, were hesitant to move forward and approach him, but Kathy motioned them forward. Seeing "Jesus"/Phillip interact with the kids was so touching.  I couldn't control my emotions - I felt so full of love for those kids and just wanted so bad for them to know that Jesus knows and loves them.  We couldn't hear what was being said, but soon we heard sweet Carol Zulu singing - so real and so pure and so full of love.  In her tumultuous life, she has been through more things than any 13-year-old should have to endure.  Yet she has the ability to open her heart to love and express her emotions - it was beautiful ... Not soon after, the whole group of kids started singing "Mwamba, Mwamba" - and that's when I lost it.  Knowing what that song means and knowing ho much those children love their Heavenly Father and Jesus, and then hearing them sing that song of praise to Jesus - I've never felt the spirit so strong.  They were singing praises TO the Man they had been praying to for so many years.  It touched the very core of my spirit.  Eventually the children walked back with him, and we went to the back of the house to set up for the kids' presentation. Phillip joined us, so the kids were very excited.  At the end, the kids started singing "I Know Jesus is Coming Again" and Edah got up and started dancing with Phillip!  What a sight.  Then, we all got up and sang and danced with the kids.  For those precious moments, I forgot about everything else in the world and just lived for all that I was surrounded with.  I felt so free from worry and stress and the distractions that plague me back home.  All that mattered was being with those kids and opening my heart to them and sharing my love with them ... Later that night at our team meeting, Kathy was reviewing the events of that day, and she talked about why the kids reacted how they did - and how I feel everyone in this world would react initially - with hesitation and fear.  In those moments after seeing Him, the kids reflected on their lives and thought that they weren't ready to see Him.  Many of the young girls were so scared that He wouldn't love them because they weren't "clean."  Some of the kids also thought that seeing Him meant that they were going to die, and they weren't ready to die yet.  And it really caused me to stop and think - am I ready?  You don't know when it could be your last day.  We must prepare ourselves and live our lives according to how we would want to end our lives, if this were to be THAT day.  Would I feel fear and hesitation if I saw Jesus walking towards me?  or would I run to him with arms outstretched?  While I'd like to hope it would be the latter, I can only imagine having every bad decision - big or small - race through my mind and the emotions that would follow ... "

I'm not one to share my personal thoughts from my journal often (or ever, for that matter) so I hope you appreciate how special that experience was for me.  And here are a few pictures from that day:  (we weren't allowed to take many, as not to infringe on any potential copyright issues with the future paintings)

The kids' performance

Guest of Honor

Another skit by the kids

Edah dancing with "Jesus"

Kennedy

"Worth of a Soul" by Liz Lemon Swindle

I dream of the day I can return to my "family" in Africa -- some day I will go back, and I plan to bring my husband along with me :)  At least I've given him fair warning, and prepared him for what he has gotten himself into by marrying me!  hahaha.  But until then, I'll keep these photos to remind me of the piece of my heart I left behind......

Carol Zulu and Raymond