"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying." - Dr. Victor FranklI SURVIVED.
I just finished my last day of clinical at my OB site... on 2 hours sleep. Thank you care plan! I was up until 2:30 AM scrutinizing every last detail so that I could prove (to MYSELF) that I was a competent student. And I feel so proud of the effort that I made and the work I accomplished. I feel that it adequately represents ME and the type of student I am and reflects the type of nurse that I hope to become. Which I am now one more semester closer to... half-way there! Hard to believe... another 7 weeks of clinical - OVER and DONE.
So. Now to discuss this past rotation... one which led me to realize my passion in the medical field - L&D! Can't tell you how excited I am about that discovery. It just FEELS right, on so many different levels. As for this clinical experience... my feelings are quite mixed. On the one hand, I'm a tad bit frustrated with some of the communication (or lack thereof) between the course coordinator and the clinical faculty. Our site instructor had much higher expectations of our preparation and knowledge base, when we all understood that we were going to learn a majority of the material and skills as we gained experience on the floor. We were taught the information in the classroom, but over the course of the 7 weeks, so it didn't quite translate over to the timeline of our clinical rotation. I don't normally complain about the workload of classes, but when it isn't clear to the students what is expected of them (and I wasn't the only one) then maybe it needs to be addressed across the board. HOWEVER... because of the high expectations that were placed on us, I was forced to push myself out of my comfort zone and I chose to challenge myself, to prove that I was capable of meeting those expectations. I know that I am a competent student, and I have a strong desire to be a confident and attentive nurse, and that eagerness is what fuels me to take on the obstacles that are thrown in front of me as I make my way through this program. My clinical instructor gave me feedback that I am quite grateful for, and complemented me in the best way possible - by telling me that I am motivated to challenge my weaknesses in order to overcome a complacency with mediocrity. Thankfully she noticed my committment to the unit and to my responsibilities after my midterm evaluation, and was impressed with how I took her comments and implemented them into my practice. So.. despite the frustrations, I am grateful for the lessons I learned and the experiences I had while I was on that unit - it has prepared me well for my next rotation! Adult Health.... oiy. I requested to be on the HIV/AIDS floor of Johns Hopkins Hospital -- that is my number one choice, and especially because it's at JHH! I've heard great things about the staff on that unit, and I really hope that I am placed there. I haven't been at a clinical site at JHH yet, and this would be an incredible opportunity! I'm crossing my fingers...
As the semester draws to a close, I've been reflecting on all that I've learned this semester... so much more than just nursing-related information. I've really delved deeper and gained a greater understanding of myself, and I am so excited to take this with me as I continue on! I read "Man's Search for Meaning" by Dr. Victor Frankl for my Faith & Health class (a fantastic book, if anyone wants to pick it up this holiday break) and I found some great insight within its pages. I started off this blog entry with a quote, one that I have drawn strength and inspiration from. In his book, Dr. Frankl describes his experiences as a prisoner of the Nazi concentration camps, and how those who were forced into such great, unavoidable suffering had to change their perspective and outlook on life in order to survive. His theories form the framework for "Logotherapy," which focuses on man's intent to find meaning in life, which gives motivation and reason to survive. This meaning can come from many different places, and sometimes we must be willing to swallow our pride and humble ourselves to give ourselves over to a greater purpose. Life is not meant to be an easy roadtrip... there are going to be struggles and sacrifices that we will have to make in order to reach our eventual goal, and as I have learned to accept this, it makes the process much more manageable. Sometimes I might not understand why I am chosen to suffer, in whatever context that might entail, but I know that in the end, it will all be worth it. And that is what gives me hope and strength to press forward.
OKAY now I'll get off my tiny soapbox... I guess that I'm just feeling the love in my life right now - holidays tend to do that! I had an incredible time with my family and friends while I was in Utah for Thanksgiving, and feel so grateful to have such an amazing support system in my life. It was just what I needed - time to let go of the world for a few days and just appreciate my numerous blessings. It was also nice to see SNOW - the first time I've ever actually missed living in that climate! It's starting to get icy out here... but with this humidity comes sleet and freezing rain. No powder-white snowflakes to catch on my tongue as I ride the chairlift up a mountain... something to look forward to this winter! But not before my trip back to California... it's been over a year since I've been back, and I cannot wait to return! Many things to do, places to see, and people to visit. It will be a much-needed mini-vacation. I also plan to head up to New York City... again... haha. Next weekend, Amanda and I are making our way up to see the NYC Ballet perform the Nutcracker - SO EXCITED! And then the week after, a close friend from UCLA (Meghan!) will be out to visit... and, surprise! I'm heading up to NYC again. haha. Can't keep myself away. Love that city! Just waiting for a couple other people in particular to make their way out here to show them the wonders of the Big Apple... *ahem* GREG *ahem* :]
So. It's Friday afternoon... and I'm at school. Maybe because this place is my second home... I feel oddly comfortable here. I had to drop by and finish an assignment and pick up some notes, and then I sat down at the computer and haven't had motivation to get up and walk home yet. I should probably head back soon... it's almost 5:30! Yikes. One more final to go... can't forget PHARM on Monday.. goodness. So close, I can almost taste it... mmm a cup of hot apple cider seems so perfect right about now....
(SIDE NOTE: for those who don't want to take the time to look up the meaning of the latin phrase in my title, it means "LEARN TO ENDURE". Quite fitting, if I do say so myself...)
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