'twas the night before Christmas...

I'm sitting in the living room of our quaint Salt Lake City home, fire blazing just a few feet from my toasted feet, keeping me warm on this wintery Christmas Eve.  What a wonderful holiday season this has been - time spent with family and friends, and that is what makes it truly special.  And I have managed to stay quite busy over the past few weeks!  But I have finally arrived at my last destination, and I am ready to be still and enjoy time here at home, and up on the slopes of the Rocky Mountains.  Snowboarding on Christmas Day with the family... couldn't ask for a better way to celebrate.  But before Santa arrives, I want to fill you in on the happenings as of late...

SO.  I left you during the final few days of my semester, with one final to go - PHARM.  I had a busy weekend preparing, and I was proud of my preparation and the effort I put into studying... and it definitely paid off!  What was definitely the hardest exam of the semester became more manageable, and I finished the semester with solid grades.  One more classroom-intensive semester of school and then its on to my transitional semester in preparation for me to become a licensed nurse!  And what a intense semester it will be... I'm overloading the first month with a course, Nursing the Neonate, that will prepare me to care for newborn infants - particularly those in emergency situations.  It will be an added 10-hours of class per week for that first month, but I am eager to learn the information so I am willing to sacrifice my free time for this elective course.  Having this wealth of knowledge will only serve to increase my knowledge base and level of confidence as I enter the workforce as a nurse, and I want to be as prepared as I possibly can!  And aside from that, the course is led by the instructor I had for my Faith & Health course and I absolutely love her, so I was even more willing to spend those hours with her.  But in addition to that course... I will be starting my Adult Health rotation - not sure where I will end up quite yet, but I am crossing my fingers for the HIV/AIDS unit at JHH!  That will be my hardest, most comprehensive clinical course... as overwhelmed as I might be at the thought, I know that my experiences will only prepare me for what lies ahead, so I look forward to the challenge it will undoubtedly be.  I'm also taking a research-based course, to educate us on the importance of implementing evidence from current research into our practice (something that is crucially important, as a multitude of new evidence for medical practice is presented every day!), and then a course on information technology and its place in the hospital.  During the second half of the semester I will be doing my Pediatrics clinical rotation and my Public Health-focused clinical rotation, and I will go into further detail about that as that draws closer.  So I know I won't be bored next semester, that is for sure!  But now is time to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet that the holidays bring.... although looking back at the past few weeks, I really haven't experienced much peace or quiet! 

After school finished, I had a few days to collect my thoughts and strength, in preparation for the busy days that lie ahead of me.  That following weekend, Amanda and I made the trip up to New York City to take in the sights and sounds of the city during the holidays.  We wandered along Fifth Avenue to view the spectacular window displays of Bergdorf Goodman, listen to the "Carol of the Bells" play in coordination with the snowflake light show on the outside of Saks, take in the beauty of the giant Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center overlooking the menagerie of people skating on the ice rink below... I love New York during the holidays.  Nothing compares  - the spirit of Christmas has filled each and every street as a constant reminder of this glorious time of year.  Only wish that some of the people there would feel that spirit and remember what this season is really about... but hey, it is New York.  Blaring horns and disgruntled shoppers are part of the package.  We were able to escape the chaos of the shopping frenzy for one night, though, as we went to see "The Nutcracker" performed by the New York City Ballet.  I have never appreciated the grace and utter strength of ballet until that show.  Words cannot adequately describe their perfect poise as the Sugar Plum fairy danced with her Prince on stage... it appeared effortless.  I was in pure awe... so grateful for the opportunity to witness the beauty of their talent.  We stayed until Monday, enjoying some time to relax with friends and relish in the Christmas spirit of the city.

One of my closest friends from my college days at UCLA, Meghan, came out to visit me for a few days after she finished her semester of business school in Denver.  We stayed Monday night in Baltimore before making our way back up to New York for a few days of a holiday shopping spree!  Over the course of three days, we traveled from Harlem all the way downtown, visiting every major shopping district you can think of... and thankfully my bank account did not suffer too much!  I was able to get all my Christmas shopping done, and then treat myself to a few gifts as well... including a trip to a Broadway show!  We felt the need to relive our childhood - singing along to "Spoonful of Sugar" and "Let's Go Fly a Kite" with the cast of Mary Poppins.  It was a fabulous show!  Our whirlwind adventure in the concrete jungle of New York ended as quickly as it began, and we found ourselves back in Baltimore on Friday to pack and prepare for our Saturday afternoon departure.  Goodness, that makes me chuckle now... because when we arrived back in Baltimore, Meghan and I went to the grocery store and were surprised by the masses that were crowding the aisles, until we heard the reason for the mad rush to the market - a huge "Nor-easter" storm was on target to hit Baltimore that night, bringing with it about 20-32 inches of snow!  We had absolutely no idea that a huge blizzard was heading our way, and we rushed home to find out that all flights out of BWI for the next day had been cancelled.  Including ours, of course.  So... we were left to fend for ourselves,  situating ourselves next to the fireplace and renting about 6 movies to keep us entertained for the day.  We ventured out into the biting wind for brunch at my favorite breakfast spot (it was actually open!) but that was our only excursion out that day.  With an average yearly snowfall of 20 inches, the city of Baltimore is not equipped to deal with any huge snowfall - namely, no snowplows.  Even when we left on Monday, many of the streets were still blanketed in snow.  A bit ridiculous... to get 22 inches over the course of 24 hours... but it was a fun experience.  Unfortunately, snow in Baltimore doesn't really amount to much... at least in Utah, we have mountains to enjoy and activities to participate in.  In Charm City, everyone goes into hibernation... it just causes miserable travel conditions!  But after a couple days of hiding inside, we were lucky enough to find seats on planes out to our final destinations (California for me, Colorado for Meghan) - thankfully BWI is not the busiest  airport... canceling flights the week of Christmas is only asking for chaos!  And apparently it did wreak havoc on certain airports... bless those people who work in the customer service departments of airlines.  I don't know how they do it! 

Well... so that I don't take up any more of your time, I'll leave the rest of my holiday story for another day... now it's off to a movie with Greg!  Love this time to spend with family and enjoy the splendor of the season.  Wishing you and your families all the best on this glorious Christmas Day!

*DISCE PATI*

"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying."  - Dr. Victor Frankl

I SURVIVED.

I just finished my last day of clinical at my OB site... on 2 hours sleep.  Thank you care plan!  I was up until 2:30 AM scrutinizing every last detail so that I could prove (to MYSELF) that I was a competent student.  And I feel so proud of the effort that I made and the work I accomplished.  I feel that it adequately represents ME and the type of student I am and reflects the type of nurse that I hope to become.  Which I am now one more semester closer to... half-way there!  Hard to believe... another 7 weeks of clinical - OVER and DONE. 

So. Now to discuss this past rotation... one which led me to realize my passion in the medical field - L&D!  Can't tell you how excited I am about that discovery.  It just FEELS right, on so many different levels.  As for this clinical experience...  my feelings are quite mixed.  On the one hand, I'm a tad bit frustrated with some of the communication (or lack thereof) between the course coordinator and the clinical faculty.  Our site instructor had much higher expectations of our preparation and knowledge base, when we all understood that we were going to learn a majority of the material and skills as we gained experience on the floor.  We were taught the information in the classroom, but over the course of the 7 weeks, so it didn't quite translate over to the timeline of our clinical rotation.  I don't normally complain about the workload of classes, but when it isn't clear to the students what is expected of them (and I wasn't the only one) then maybe it needs to be addressed across the board.  HOWEVER... because of the high expectations that were placed on us, I was forced to push myself out of my comfort zone and I chose to challenge myself, to prove that I was capable of meeting those expectations.  I know that I am a competent student, and I have a strong desire to be a confident and attentive nurse, and that eagerness is what fuels me to take on the obstacles that are thrown in front of me as I make my way through this program.  My clinical instructor gave me feedback that I am quite grateful for, and complemented me in the best way possible - by telling me that I am motivated to challenge my weaknesses in order to overcome a complacency with mediocrity.  Thankfully she noticed my committment to the unit and to my responsibilities after my midterm evaluation, and was impressed with how I took her comments and implemented them into my practice.  So.. despite the frustrations, I am grateful for the lessons I learned and the experiences I had while I was on that unit - it has prepared me well for my next rotation!  Adult Health.... oiy.  I requested to be on the HIV/AIDS floor of Johns Hopkins Hospital -- that is my number one choice, and especially because it's at JHH!  I've heard great things about the staff on that unit, and I really hope that I am placed there.  I haven't been at a clinical site at JHH yet, and this would be an incredible opportunity!  I'm crossing my fingers...

As the semester draws to a close, I've been reflecting on all that I've learned this semester... so much more than just nursing-related information.  I've really delved deeper and gained a greater understanding of myself, and I am so excited to take this with me as I continue on!  I read "Man's Search for Meaning" by Dr. Victor Frankl for my Faith & Health class (a fantastic book, if anyone wants to pick it up this holiday break) and I found some great insight within its pages.  I started off this blog entry with a quote, one that I have drawn strength and inspiration from.  In his book, Dr. Frankl describes his experiences as a prisoner of the Nazi concentration camps, and how those who were forced into such great, unavoidable suffering had to change their perspective and outlook on life in order to survive.  His theories form the framework for "Logotherapy," which focuses on man's intent to find meaning in life, which gives motivation and reason to survive.  This meaning can come from many different places, and sometimes we must be willing to swallow our pride and humble ourselves to give ourselves over to a greater purpose.  Life is not meant to be an easy roadtrip... there are going to be struggles and sacrifices that we will have to make in order to reach our eventual goal, and as I have learned to accept this, it makes the process much more manageable.  Sometimes I might not understand why I am chosen to suffer, in whatever context that might entail, but I know that in the end, it will all be worth it.  And that is what gives me hope and strength to press forward.

OKAY now I'll get off my tiny soapbox... I guess that I'm just feeling the love in my life right now - holidays tend to do that!  I had an incredible time with my family and friends while I was in Utah for Thanksgiving, and feel so grateful to have such an amazing support system in my life.  It was just what I needed - time to let go of the world for a few days and just appreciate my numerous blessings.  It was also nice to see SNOW - the first time I've ever actually missed living in that climate!  It's starting to get icy out here... but with this humidity comes sleet and freezing rain.  No powder-white snowflakes to catch on my tongue as I ride the chairlift up a mountain... something to look forward to this winter!  But not before my trip back to California... it's been over a year since I've been back, and I cannot wait to return!  Many things to do, places to see, and people to visit. It will be a much-needed mini-vacation.  I also plan to head up to New York City... again... haha.  Next weekend, Amanda and I are making our way up to see the NYC Ballet perform the Nutcracker - SO EXCITED!  And then the week after, a close friend from UCLA (Meghan!) will be out to visit... and, surprise!  I'm heading up to NYC again. haha.  Can't keep myself away.  Love that city!  Just waiting for a couple other people in particular to make their way out here to show them the wonders of the Big Apple... *ahem* GREG *ahem* :]

So.  It's Friday afternoon... and I'm at school.  Maybe because this place is my second home... I feel oddly comfortable here.  I had to drop by and finish an assignment and pick up some notes, and then I sat down at the computer and haven't had motivation to get up and walk home yet.  I should probably head back soon... it's almost 5:30!  Yikes.  One more final to go... can't forget PHARM on Monday.. goodness.  So close, I can almost taste it... mmm a cup of hot apple cider seems so perfect right about now....



(SIDE NOTE: for those who don't want to take the time to look up the meaning of the latin phrase in my title, it means "LEARN TO ENDURE". Quite fitting, if I do say so myself...)